Lonely or Annoyed?

I’ve been sick. A friend recommended I take a supplement, and that I should probably take it for the rest of my life. I stared at those words in the email and for a full minute. I could not feel my legs. FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE? I sat there (since I couldn’t move my legs) and tried to think of something – anything I wanted to do every day for the rest of my life. I barely want to do things I like every day for the rest of my life. Then it occurred to me, is this visceral reaction the reason I am single? 

I haven’t always been single.  I have been in very long relationships. And I have spent long periods of time alone. And when I look back, if I am being completely honest I tend to have been a happier person when I am alone. Maybe it’s a testament to my bad taste in men… But I don’t think so. When I was a little girl, my dream relationship was Phil Donahue and Marlo Thomas because they were married and they lived in separate cities. It seemed ideal.

I have a theory. There are only two kinds of people in the world: lonely (and single) or annoyed (and in a relationship). I think we all have a higher tolerance for one – either you’re better at being lonely or you’re better at being annoyed. But they are really your only options.  Either you’re lonely or you’re annoyed.


I mean sure – early love is great and you want to be with that person all the time. When you live with someone, you can get a hug at the end of a long day, or someone to make your coffee in the morning. I have been there. But sooner or later, the lust wears off and their annoying habits and idiosyncrasies start to surface – like I don’t know –  their breathing – in and out, in and out, in and out…

When you are alone, sometimes it is awesome – like when you are so comfy because you have the whole bed to yourself. Or no one is around to judge you when eat an entire can of frosting or don’t wash dishes for a week. But sometimes you want someone to talk to, or make you tea when you’re sick, or have sex with you.

 So when I get really lonely, it usually helps to call an attached friend – who without any encouragement begins complaining about their spouses while their children scream in the background (my hand to God one called expressly to complain AS I WAS WRITING THE PREVIOUS SENTENCE). And I thank them for once again for validating my life choices.


*I must thank Chris Rock for his inspiration as I once heard him say “You’re either married and bored or single and lonely.”

6 responses to “Lonely or Annoyed?

  1. Yeah, if I had a picture of myself right now, I’d post it with the caption “annoyed.” You’re about right.

  2. I LOVE every single word in this post!!! You’ve hit on a truth that I’ve known forever but couldn’t quite express…until now. So good…
    -The Spinsterlicious Life

  3. That was hilarious because it is so true. I don’t date so I don’t know how it is to miss a partner for anything but I do get lonely…on occassion as I live alone. Excellent post. Also, long term relationships, other than family and friends, scare the shit out of me.

  4. Geez. I hope to never feel like this. How depressing. I enjoyed being single and all of the freedom that allowed me, but I love being married and all of the joy that my family brings me. I’ve always done what I want to do and getting married was no exception. The goal is to be happy, balanced, and as stress free as possible. My teens drive me crazy sometimes but my husband is a cool calm breath of fresh air (just like I am). Peace.

  5. Pingback: The Real Determining Factor for Single vs. Married | Eleanore Wells

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