Discovering a Diamond in a Discount Store (An Open Letter to Straight Women)

This is a guest post from one of our friends……

I have been a gay man for a long, long time. I have a lot of straight women friends. Whether it’s similar interests and objectives, less competition or less estrogen flying around, this type of relationship can be strong – often stronger than relationships between straight women.

We are true friends.  We will NOT let you leave the house looking all wrong. We tell you when that dress doesn’t look right, that color is not for you, or it’s time for that diet you said you’d start. Why? Because we have your best interests in mind.  We will remind you of what you said last week, or even 10 years ago… not because we like to be right (we do) but we too have a need to cultivate something.  Our product tends to be well-adjusted, confident and fashionable women who avoid the wrong men, bad outfits, uncomplimentary lighting and tacky accessories. Is that so wrong?

Many of us gay men were raised by strong women.  We are not threatened by strong (and fashionable) women and like to help develop the species. We give back through our friends and relatives by nurturing self-confident individuals to go out into the world and compete with, and live with, straight males. We freely share some of the male psyche for better insight. We can empathize with female subjugation and often envy “a little” female objectification (How many of us still hum the words to Madonna’s famous song – “make you feel like a queen on a throne, make him love you till you can’t come down”). Unfortunately, my boyfriend does not understand these prophetic lyrics. I will have to start singing them in French.

Is there a straight fashion designer out there that has done more to flatter the female form than gay men? It is because we’ve walked in your shoes – and we have!

I am proud to be a gay man and three memories will always stay with me. The time a gay friend and I dressed our friend for a college party and all heads turned when she walked in (the men in admiration, the women in envy). Or when my mother awaited my arrival to select her outfit for my grandmother’s funeral.  My mother needed the right outfit that dually signified somberness but also the celebration of a 107-year life – navy blue pleated skirt, a crème Chanel jacket, pearl necklace and a clutch – what else? And lastly, when a friend sent photos of herself at a wedding and queried if she should keep yet another bridesmaid gown.  I returned a shot of her from behind with three words: “keep the dress”.

The shoes may be high and the pencil skirt uncomfortable – it’s fashion!  Life can be hard and uncompromising.  Perhaps having a gay friend or relative makes the world a better place.

Finally, I believe this relationship is so strong because we are able to share, without judgment or competitiveness that idealized vision of you! And that is why you assist willingly and lovingly with the circus that a gay wedding can be… or simply because you are giving back for the gay man who may have designed your wedding gown, arranged your flowers or created perfection in hair and make-up on your special day.



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